14

Mum, I'm already 14, can't I finally get a bra?!

911

A boy calls 911. "Hello? I need your help!" ...

A baby seal

A baby seal walks into a club.

A bar in Brussels

A guy walks into a bar and there’s a horse serving drinks ...

A bit dull

One man's marriage has gotten a bit dull, so he asks a friend if he has any ideas on how to add some excitement back to the marriage ...

A blonde goes shopping

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way ... but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for the highly prized shoes. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a decent price!" ...

A blonde question

What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair brunette?

A Brazilian

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident ...

A condom a day

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store laughing hysterically ...

A couple

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

A couple

An elderly couple was sitting on their rocking chairs rocking back and forth. The woman whacked her husband as hard as she could right off his chair ...

A deep thought by Jack Handey

Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots." ...

A dentist

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well. So they decided to go to the girl's place for a drink ...

A diamond ring

An old, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young girl at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him ...

A double Scotch

A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double Scotch ...

A drunkard

A drunkard was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter ...

A good excuse

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time that week and found the boss waiting for him ...

A good start

How do you know when it's going to be a good day at work?

A good start with a bad end

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you ...

A grasshopper

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

A juggler

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police ...

A lawyer

On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible ...

A lawyer goes to Heaven

No! That's not the joke ...

A long night to be remembered

After a long night of making love this guy rolled over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the night stand by the bed. Naturally, the guy began to worry ...

A long story

The hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. One man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing to do. Only bananas and coconuts ...

A magician

A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts ...

A night of drinking

I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.

A pile of shit

A lieutenant was out walking one day, and came upon a little boy, playing with a pile of shit ...

A plumber

A Scot came back from work earlier than usual and saw a plumber's car in the front of his house ...

A point of view

From a woman's point of view ...